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Effective communication takes place when both partners do this: 


  1. Create safe spaces where others feel seen, heard, listened to and understood. 

  2. Withhold any and all prejudgments about speakers and listeners.

  3. Are swift to listen and slow to speak.

  4. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. 

  5. Listen to understand, not just to reply. 

  6. Focus, hear, listen, understand, and respond from the other’s perspective. 

  7. Acknowledge before asserting.

  8. Receive and give constructive feedback with grace, goodwill, and good wishes.

  9. Thank freely and continuously the speakers and listeners in their lives. 

  10. Commit to the lifelong practice and deep inner self-work of self-examination, self-improvement, and self-reflection to grow and develop as a listener.

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